what the hell?
12:24 a.m. - Monday, Mar. 12, 2007

Damn I am so fucking upset I can't believe you fucking people. Ok I have had a very fucked up month! I am so sorry I didn't mean to take it out on you all. Would you all believe me if I told you that. After I have cussed you out would you believe that? How would you feel if after listening to me for how ever long I have been writing this blog, and helping me out with your comments I just went off on you?

Well it happen to me yes it did it happen to me on this very day. I have been going through hell these last couple of weeks. I mean some really low down stuff has been happening to me. (I will tell you about it later) Even though this is true I have been nothing but nice to FL. Understanding to all of his problems I even try to make him feel better when I call him time to time to check up on him. I call him because I know that he is going through and I truly care about him. I don't believe that I even go into the things that are going on with me because I don't want to put more on his plate. Every time I call him he just seems like he doesn't want to be bothered with me he has told me differently that it's not like that but you know when the vibe is not right. So today I asked him again if he didn't want to be bothered with me because the last time we talked I got that bad vibe again. Then it happened he went off on me! He actually started cussing at me! Well all of this was over the IM but still I couldn't believe it. It did nothing but confirm what I was already thinking. He sent me a text saying he was sorry but I mean really. I just know to stay away from that type of behavior. I would have never thought that he would have said anything like that to me. But what is the saying, "You think you know people?"

Anyway.... Back to the messed up month I have had...

Someone called child protective services on me. Can you believe that? It could not have happened at a worst time. I am breaking my neck trying to take care of little man. He has been having problems in school, on the bus, and at home. I have been running around trying to figure everything out. Taking him to the doctors, getting test done, and everything. It's been so hard on me. I do everything I can to make sure that he is taking care of. He is my heart and everything I do I do for him, so for someone to say that I am a bad mom is really heartbreaking. Between everything that was going on with him I haven't been able to concentrate on my schoolwork. My grades are slipping drastically.

In fact I have a test tomorrow that I am nowhere near ready for. And the bad thing about it is that I have been studying and doing homework all weekend and have gotten nowhere. I have been reading and rereading the same thing over and over and I can't understand a damn thing. I am going to fail this test tomorrow and there is nothing I could do about it.

I finished my book. Yes something that's good. I can't get it printed though because I have to spend the money I had to buy little man some more pants. It's crazy when the school year started he was wearing 10's now he's wearing 14's. But do you think that the person who called DCHS on me knows that or even cares for that mater. No they don't. Well I am going back to watching the L word I will catch you cats later.

Peace

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