Broke
11:55 a.m. - Tuesday, Oct. 03, 2006

9/29/06
Well I got paid today...$173! For two weeks. What am I in high school? I have to pay the rent, get bus passes, and buy Solo more shirts and whatever. Plus my landlord told me that they are going to have to go up on my rent. Why? Well because the place where I was working before where I am working now (we will just call them the "Y") has not sent back the paperwork saying that I don't work there anymore. The paper takes about five minutes to fill out but instead of doing that the new boss sent it all the way downtown. Now there is no telling where it is. So I just might have to pay double my rent now.

My friends say I'm losing my spark but it's hard not to I have to say to myself "God will work it out he will make a way." That works most of the time but when you suffer from depression sometimes you just are down in the dumps. That being said I know I am a child of God so I am trying hard to keep the faith.

I'm going to a rush meeting on Sunday. I don't think I can join because I'm not in school but it's something that I have wanted to do for as long as I can remember. At least I will get to learn about the process. I am so excited! My friend will be one before me but that's alright maybe she can help me get in when it's my turn.

You Know I feel that everyone around me is doing better than me. I am happy for them. So happy for them but I wish I could catch up. I have so much I have worked on but what have I finished? The truth is that I don't feel that I'm good enough. Everyone around me thinks that I am but I don't. It hurts too. I get all worked up then I'm like I can't do this. Then things fall all around me. I love to write but I don't think I would do a good job. Well sometimes I feel that way and sometimes I think my writing is the best I have ever read. I guess that's why it's called bipolar.

10/3/06
My BD has been calling me for the last three days everyday to talk to Solo. That's a good thing I just hope it last longer than the last time he acted like he wanted to be apart of his life. My baby is already broken up over the fail male relationships in his life. He doesn't need BD coming in and out of his life. Then BD has the nerve to tell me that I shouldn't sound so sad. Ain't that about a blimp. I am at the end of my rope raising his son by myself and he has the nerve to tell me that I should worry about.

You know I really don't like where I live. They lock us up like rats in a cage. Then now they are talking about everyone has to wear ID's and cars can't be inside the gate pass 6pm. What kind of life is that? I already have to walk 6 blocks just to get to my house but do you think they care no they don't. They just want to keep us contained the poor black people lock them up. I just can't believe that this is happening.

Well that's all for today talk to you kiddies later

Peace
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