I let him back again.
1:36 p.m. - Sunday, Apr. 24, 2005

Ok here we go again. I'm down real down and I don't know where the hell it came from. I feel like I'm up under that damn cloud and it raining cats and dogs.

I am starting to figure out that I can't follow a plan to save my life. I know right I was all I am women hear me roar but now I'm blowing the winnie whistle. I know I said that I was going to stay away from him and I wasn't letting him back in. Well how in the hell did he end up in my apartment and spending the night? Because I am weak. Well he hasn't done anything out of pocket but I am starting to see that when I said I needed the brake for myself that I wasn't lying. I am over thinking everything. I think that it part of this depression that I am feeling but whatever it is he's freaking out. I'm hoping that he doesn't fall back but I am afraid that he will. And yes we did have sex. I know what was I thinking ? I was thinking that I was horny and needed to be held. I know once I do that it's a hop skip and a jump to letting him back in. But you know what right now I just want to be his friend. I love him and I want the best for him but right now I just want to be friends.

Anyway moving right along I have this play coming up and I am trying to do everything I can to make it great. I am working with next to nothing and relaying on people to volunteer in the play. I just hope that it comes out alright. There years ago I couldn't right a one act play. I wrote this one in a week and a half. It's three acts long and it's pretty good if I may say so myself.

I need to keep working on my writing really typing up all of my poetry. I kinda slacked off doing it a little bit. But I am going to get back to it. I have started writing a article that I want to summit to Essence. Hopefully that will come out good and I could make me a little money as well as make a name for myself. I also need to start going to poetry sets and things like that. Well until then I will write here and on hi5.

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