NPD
1:54 p.m. - Thursday, Mar. 17, 2005

OOOK here goes. I refuse to be killed by this Him I will not continue to give hi that power over me. He found out that he has Narcissistic personality disorder.(and yes this is what the doctor said) This means that everything that he has been doing has been for himself. My whole purpose for the last two years has been to stroke his ego. Which I did like a dumb ass almost every fucking day. Any time that he acted as though he loved me or cared was because him didn't want me to stop the stroking.

I told him two days ago that I could not talk to him because it was just upsetting me to much. Living with him and even talking to him is like being on a roller coaster ride. I have been killing myself trying to take care of him and that was his plan all along. His mission was to suck me dry and I was letting him. Anyway. I ended up snapping on him even though that's what I was trying not to do. He begged me and begged me to talk to him but I stood strong and I am glad that I did. He has still called but I have not answered the phone. Yea for me hopefully I will stay strong.

I had a break down during my last conversation with him and sometime after. I think it was time. I am feeling a little better but not all that much. It's like I am having a hard time paying attention or doing anything. I know that I need to get up and go so I am going to keep psyching myself up. Hopefully it works.

Peace

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