WHAT IN THE HELL!
11:01 a.m. - Tuesday, Jun. 15, 2004

WHAT IN THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Would someone please explain to me what the fuck is going on please. Because I really need to know.

Just to let you all know before hand I am really on hating males mode right now.

Did someone cast a spell on me or something. I mean was like "Cookie, Happy? Oh hell no she won't!" I try really really hard to put a good spin on everything and I try my best to give everyone their fair share of chances but even I could be pushed to a limit. How many time have I wrote in this diary about this boy doing something to me, and how many times have I went back and said you know what it's going to be ok. Well right now I don't know what the fuck to think.

Let me take you back. Remember when I wrote about his online girlfriends who he let talk about like a fucking dog then got mad at me for being in his bussiness. Well you thought it was over think again. One of the girls that he was talking to that night sent me some e-mail the 1st one was from her saying that he had sent her something and she would send it to me. The next one was an e-mail that he had sent to her. Now would you belive that this fool sent her an e-mail writen by "me" saying that I was HIS EX and I was just playing a joke on him. That I didn't mean to get him in trouble with her or mess up anything they might of had because he desevres to be happy. Signed and I quote " Your new friend Cookie." WHAT IN THE HELL!

Well this boy had my mind so messed up that I had read the letter before and didn't even relize what the hell it was. Well he was sitting right next to me at the computer so I asked him did he right it he said no. I said are you sure because it says right on the screen that it came from him to her in the computer makers that are stamped on e-mail. He said no. So I said who broke into you account and wrote this he said I don't know who wrote it. You know what I said? I said, "OK. You are my man and if you said you didn't do it then I need to belive you." I was realy trying to belive him. Stupid! Well anyway I just couldn't shake the feeling that he was lying to me. So I said that I was asking one more time because I couldn't understand how omeone could have changed it. He told me again that he didn't write it.

Then after a while he tells me that he was lying to me the whole time. That he was lying to me that he did write the letter. He was just trying to smooth over everything with the other girl. Why the fuck are you trying so hard to smooth stuff over with her. what are you trying to get with her or something? He says no that's why he lied about the whole thing.

How the hell am I suppose to belive anything that comes out of his mouth.

All of this shit is making me sick. I can't think stright and my body is weak. My head hurts consisntly and my nerves are shot. I haven't even gotten to the fact that I am broke when I say broke I mean broke no money in my pocket and no money in the bank. I don't even have busfare to go any where. Plus they are trying to make me go throough all of these hoops to get some money which I don't have the engrey to jump through. I am sooooooo Depressed. I am tired of writing now.

COOKIE

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