No feelings at all
10:25 a.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 02, 2004

God has just freed me of all emoions. (I know that's not how you spell it but right now I don't give a damn.) It's like him being the great father he is just looked down and said you know what girl this is just to much for you to be going through.

He dumped me again last night but of course with him nothing is that easy. Everything was cool I even felt it was a good idea he said that he was still going to take care of me and little man. I said ok cool. I guess I wasn't worked up enough but you know what I knew that this was just another one of his cry plee things are not what they seem type of things. Soon the act was cut short and he started acting and ass.

(Here is my little question right in here why is it that he always wants to have long dawn out conversations when I have something to do. So that I can be late or miss what I have to do that's why.)He went from I am going to be the man you need me to be and I will always love you to... Take me outa of your mind don't think about me because I have to say fuck you my family and little man to do what I have to do. (Whatever I am trying to go to sleep can I no of course not why would I be able to do that.) Then he won't leave me alone. I ask him to leave he doesn't, Then when he does he comes right back. Then he starts talking again. Some bullshit about him ordering me some blue roses yea right with a big card with a poem I wrote in it and it goes like this.... (Something he made up on the spot)when that madness ended I thought I was free but nope. Here comes another on spot made up poem. Then just when I think I have gotten rid of him he comes back talking about how he is going to kill himself. (Did I hear that right did he really do that...wait... Yes he did) He comes to get the bible to go with he's knife. (what he should have done was read the bible) Then he leaves out the house. (Thank You!) Now I can't go to sleep because he left out of the house talking about he was bleeding. Ok didn't wait long he came back to give me my knife. Then I told him that he was full of shit because he was playing with me. I went back to bed. (oh wait! He's knocking again!) He gives me back my other knife and then leaves again. Now I can sleep which I do. Until that is his loud ass pounding at the door wakes me up. So of course he comes back there talking about something but I fell asleep. oh well.

I wake up this morning and guess what he's still here. cleaning. I get on the computer to type this entry and you know what he says to me. He says that He is pissed off because I can write in my diary but I can't talk to him. Why in the hell should I talk to him about anything so that he could try to play me again I don't have time.

So now he calls himself leaving again. He had had his "heart to heart" with little man so hopfully he will be leaving soon.

I wonder how long he will stay gone this time. 10 15 minutes or maybe just maybe a couple of hours. wouldn't that be great.

Oh you guys I almost forgot I might be pregant. isn't that just the icing to the fucking cake.

� | �