the end of the program
10:39 a.m. - Tuesday, Jul. 13, 2004

Sorry for the wait.

I am kinda jummbled up so if you are reading this and going what the hell is she talking about just bear with me.

I went to see my head doc (about time). She put me on these new meds that just blew me. I mean I am sleeping 15 hours a day and went I am up I feel like I am going to fall out. It's got me real jumpy and wigged out. Good thing I see her in two days.

Then my throat "than loss it's damn mind!" I can't eat anything but frezze pops and even that hurts. My chest had been hurting like I've been coughing a whole lot but I haven't been coughing at all. This is driving me crazy.

You all might remember back when I used to work. Well I was in a speical program that I really loved. I had to resigned because of my fucked up health. Now it's getting closer to the time for graduation and I won't be in it. Everytime I get a e-mail, phone call, or even just thinking about the program and what I am missing and how I can't be apart of the graduation I just break down. I worked so hard to be apart of the program and I worked so hard to stay in the program. I could just envision the graduation with all my family and friends cheering me on because they are proud of my accomplishments. Now the only thing for me that will be happening is everyone saying, "Aren't you a ally why didn't I see you up there."

Oh I can't even right about this anymore. Tears are fogging up my glases.

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